Hell's Kitchen: Bones
by Semper13
Summary: What if Booth and the squints go on Hell's Kitchen? T for language... of course it all comes from the famous Chef Ramsey. I wonder how Brennan would react to all of his screaming...And will BB occur?
1. Chapter 1

**This idea came to while I** **was watching Hell's Kitchen and then I thought of how Bones would be in HK! I searched for such a fanfic, and to my shock, there was none!! Unbelievable!**

Chef Gordon Ramsay stood in the middle of his restaurant, Hell's Kitchen, waiting for his new victims--or chefs. He sighed exaggeratingly and glanced at his watch. He cursed as he thought back of when he had this first idea.

Two weeks ago, he thought of a master plan that would get people interested in his show and restaurant. What if he took people that work for the government and see if they can cook? They can handle Ramsay's hell if they can handle a couple of criminals, can't they? As he was planning this, he was reading a newspaper that read, "FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan caught a serial killer with the help of Dr. Brennan's team of scientists: Dr. Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro, Dr. Zachary Addy, and Dr. Camille Soroyan."

Ramsay put the newspaper down and chuckled with glee. "This is too good." He said with a deep, English accent.

...

Seeley Booth sat next to Temperance "Bones" Brennan in the bus that read, **Hell's Kitchen**, on its side. Along with them was Hodgins, Angela, Zach, and Cam. Both Brennan and Zach sighed with annoyance.

Brennan looked at Booth angrily, "Remind me why I'm here and not identifying remains."

Booth smiled warmly, "Because Hell's Kitchen invited us to premiere with them. Plus, Goodman thinks that this will be a good way of getting you squints some public attention and credit to the Jeffersonian."

"By cooking?!" Zach blurted out, still worried. "I've seen this show before and I know how he works. I don't think I will be able to stand it!" Zach shook.

Cam nodded in agreement. "Zacharoni's right. The man is a total..."

"**Ass**." Angela completed Cam's sentence.

"Yeah. And he's a maniac!" Hodgins added.

"So...?" Booth asked.

"Not all of us are used to being man-handled or yelled at straight to our faces. This is a comparison of how soldiers are trained and we are only scientists! We don't stand still and take in orders like you did in the army, Booth." Brennan crossed her arms over her chest angrily.

Booth bluntly said, "I was never man-handled! Not even close! Besides, that's how you get people to listen to you and not take you as a joke. Maybe this Ramsay will teach you people something about not answering back."

"I think that this will be fun." Angela said with a smile on her face.

"I'm not even certain if I can cook." Zach said in a squeeky voice, attracting everyone's gazes.

...

"Come on! Where the bloody hell are they?!" Ramsay yelled at Jean-Philippe, who nodded hurridly and skid-dadled towards the exit.

Minutes later, he returned with Hell's Kitchen's guests and new "demons". Booth glanced about the restaurant, Hodgins copying his actions. Brennan and Zach walked into Hell awkwardly and Cam and Angela stared in awe at Chef Gordon Ramsay.

"Welcome to Hell." He greeted with a grim look on his face that even scared the shit out of Booth. He then began to introduce himself, Jean-Philippe, and the assistant sous-chefs: Scott Leibfried and MaryAnne Salcedo.

"Very well, then. Each individual will make their signiture dish and present it to me. Off you go then." He dismissed them with one wave of his hand. Booth, Bones, Hodgins, Zach, Angela, and Cam ran into the kitchen and prepared their dishes.

**Do you like? Review! Please, so I can know if this story interests you!**


	2. Chapter 2

In minutes, the group of scientists, artist, and FBI agent were ready to present their signature dishes. Everyone's dishes were set on a table in front of Chef Ramsey. Each squirmed with antisipation in their spots.

Ramsey cleared his throat and removed the silver shield that covered one of his contestants' dish. He revealed barbequed chicken with a caesar salad on the side. His brow furrowed and his mouth turned into a frown. He looked up and asked, "Who's is this?"

Cam's shoulder rose high with confidence and took a step forward. "It's mine..."

Ramsey looked at her as if though he expected something else. " 'It's mine' what?"

"Umm...I don't understand--" Cam said with a confused look on her face.

"For now on, you are all to adress me as 'Chef' whenever I speak to you." Ramsey said to everyone with a stern look on his face.

"You think highly of yourself..." Brennan spoke out of line. Ramsey glared at her in which she finish her sentence by saying, "Chef."

Booth, afraid for his partner, elbowed her ribs. Brennan frowned and glared at him. He whispered to her, "Don't taunt the man, Bones!"

Ramsey chose to ignore this and went on with the dishes. He turned his attention back to Cam's barbequed chicken and caesar salad. "This looks as if you were planning to eat fat and then lose the weight with lettuce!"

Cam's lips were pinched at his comment. Booth could tell that she was trying hard not to scream at him or kick him in the nuts. Ramsey took out a fork and cut the piece of chicken and put it in his mouth. He then spit it out in digust. "What the hell is this?! The sause isn't even done well! The chicken is dry! Were you planning on moistering it with grass?! Get back in line!"

Cam did as she was told. Bones opened her mouth to say something, but Booth covered her mouth with his hand as Ramsey was too busy throwing out the dish.

Ramsey revealed another tray with macaroni and cheese. Ramsey took a step back and put a hand over his mouth to supress a laugh. Zach's worries soon came back to him like a tornado.

"Who's--" Ramsey quickly stopped. He put his hand back over his mouth and actually let out a laugh. Zach finally couldn't take it anymore, so he stepped up to the plate. "It's mine." He said quietly.

Ramsey burned holes in Zach. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Zach slowly shook his head.

Ramsey nodded and ate a forkfull of mac n' cheese. He took a moment to savor it and finally said, "What's your name?"

"Zachary Addy, Chef."

"Hmmm..." He stood there, thinking of something to say. "Zachary--"

"Zach." Zach corrected him timidly, earning a glare from the chef.

"Zach. Do you know how to cook?"

"Not very much, Chef." Zach said. Ramsey rolled his eyes and looked at Jean-Philippe in disbelief. Jean-Philippe could only shrug.

"Well, Zach. Let me tell you...how do I put this in a nice way?...your dish, it's...**crap**." Ramsey said cold-heartedly. "The cheese is pastey. It doesn't leave a good taste in the end. Get back in line, you pathetic..." the last words, he mumbled.

Ramsey looked at the next dish and sighed. "Finally, a dish that doesn't look like it came from a neighborhood barbeque trash can!" The dish was perfect to his eyes."Who's is this?"

Hodgins smiled confidentaly. "It's mine, Chef."

"What's this?"

"It's, uhh, chilean sea bass with red wine deduction." Hodgiins said evenly.

"Great texture. Let's see how it tastes." Ramsey took the fork and ate the piece of sea bass.

Suddenly, he started spitting it out into a trash can. "This is raw! The shallots are unpeeled! I can taste the garlic! This is horrible! Get back in line, you lazy donkey! Maybe you should spend more time on cooking the sea bass rather than trimming that bloody beard!"

Hodgins went back in line and started to snap the blue rubber band that was around his wrist.

"Whose is this?" Ramsey asked as he revealed another dish. Angela stepped up. "It's mine, Chef."

"What is it?"

"It's it's a spicy lobster sauce, or as some people like to call it, 'Devil Sauce'." Angela said with her hands behind her back. Gordon kept quiet and took a bite.

"The lobster is burnt. But other than that, it looks beautiful. They say that you can tell by your dish that you're an artist, but beautiful isn't gonna help in a restaurant. Get back in line."

"Thank you." Angela said quietly.

Ramsey looked at another dish and wrinkled his nose.

"Oh, balls." He said as he turned to the others. "Who the bloody hell made this?!"

"Mine...Chef." Booth said stiffly as he walked towards his dish and Ramsey.

"An Italian Wedding Soup, Chef." Booth answered respectavily as if Chef Ramsey was a general.

"This looks like shit." Chef mocked. "Are you sure you didn't make this in a trash can?" Chef looked at the soup one more time. "Where did you get this recipe?"

"My mom used to make it for my brother and me, Chef." Booth said, growing angry, but controlling himself.

"Right. Well, let;s just hope that it tastes a lot better than it looks." Ramsey took a sip from the soup and savored it.

"It's not bad, but it's not good. The meatballs are rather...salty. Half of the things in this soup I've never even seen. Get back in line." Ramsey said as he shook his head.

"Thank you, Chef." Booth said as he went back next to Bones.

Brennan was frustrated. Booth wouldn't let her say anything and she was about to blurt out anything. "Don't you have a shred of decency for anyone? Why do you have to be such a jackass?!"

Everybody looked at Brennan in surprise, including Gordon Ramsey. Angela whispered, "Sweetie--"

"No! Who gave you the right to be disrespectful?!" Brennan glared at the wide-blue eyed chef.

"Bones!" Booth whispered hoarsly.

"There's only one dish left and I'm guessing that it's yours. Come here, you." Gordon angrily beckoned to her.

Brennan walked toward him. "Are you going to give me poor judgement as you did to the others?"

"What's your name?"

"Doctor Temperance Brennan."

Gordon stepped back in pretend shock. "Oh, so you're a doctor? Tell me something, do you have a licence to do whatever it is you do?"

"Of course!" Brennan glared at him.

"Are you good at what you do?"

"Yes. **Very **good." Brennan said with pride. Booth whispered to Hodgins, "_And __**very**__ modest._" Hodgins only chuckled.

"Huh, I see. Well, Dr. Temperance Brennan, are you a restaurant owner?"

"No." Brennan frowned in confusion.

"Are you counted as one of the most skilled Chefs ever?"

"No."

"Then **shut up**." Gordon snapped, making Brennan understand what was his reason for asking his questions.

"What do we have here?" Gordon asked as he revealed the last dish.

"Chicken Larp." Brennan said coolily.

"Mmm." Ramsey nodded in defeat. "Spicy. Good texture... Good. Get back in line."

Brennan went back in line as everone stared at her in shock.

"Very well, then. Each will be split into two different teams: The Blue team and the Red team. The men with be in the Blue team and the women in the Red. Since, there aren't a lot of cooks here, i will pick who's the captain of each team. Italian Soup-Crap guy, you will be the Blue captain. Science Bitch, you're the Red captain."

Brennan opened her mouth at the nickname he made for her, but Booth shook his head.

"Go away now. Chefs Scott Leibfried and MaryAnne Salcedo will show you your rooms." Ramsey dismissed the group.

"So, Bones. You and me. Captains of rival teams. How awesome is that?" Booth asked Brennan as they were settled in their rooms.

"Awesome? We are forced to make this a competetion of the sexes by cooking! This is not awesome!" Brennan huffed as she put her bag under her bed.

"Aww, come on, Bones! It'll be fun! It'll be just like school--"

"Why? Just because you were a jock does not mean that you will beat our team because we are women."

"I wasn't saying that we will beat your team--"

"No, but you were thinking it. We are not going to lose, Booth. We will win and there's nothing your team can do about it!" Brennan said in determination.

"How much you wanna bet?!" Booth crossed his arms.

"Good-night, Booth." Brennan went under her covers of her bed. Booth stood with his arms crossed over his chest as she turned the light off. He turned it back on.

"Booth!"

"Bones."

"Ugh!" Brennan put her pillow over her head. "Go to bed, Booth!"

"You just don't want to admit that my team is going to win!" Booth said with a triumphant smile on his face.

Brennan glared at him through her messy hair. "You're...insane! You are **not **going to win!"

"Admit it!"

"No. Go away." Brennan once again hid under her pillow. Booth started to tickle her until she fell off the bed giggling. "Stop it, Booth!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"Stop it!"

Just then, Angela, Hogins, Zach, and Cam came running into the room.

"What are you two doing on the floor?" Cam asked as Booth quickly stood up and Brennan fixed herself.

Angela had a wide, devilish smile on her face. Zah was filled with confusion and Hodgins just chuckled. Cam was irritated by their childish actions. Suddenly, they heard one of the sous-chefs yell out, "**Lights out, people!**" Everybody scattered to their rooms.


End file.
